


refract

by Naolin



Series: sink and swim [2]
Category: Oxenfree
Genre: F/M, Future Fic, Ghost Hunters, Romance, Step-Sibling Incest, alex and jonas are ghost hunters, some more ghost bullshit, well mostly alex but anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-08-04 20:08:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16353431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naolin/pseuds/Naolin
Summary: In which Jonas and Alex hunt ghosts in Las Vegas before a long, long train ride home.





	refract

**Author's Note:**

> I recommend reading _put to rest_ before this, but it's long so who cares, follow ur dreams

"Been a while since we took a train."

At the sound of Alex's voice, Jonas has to drag his gaze from the window, as if he is breaking the surface of deep, deep waters. He doesn't even remember what he'd been daydreaming about. He had almost been writing an update for the blog in his mind, but really he had just been repeating the first couple of words over and over again.

 _When we arrived in Las Vegas,_ he's sure it will begin. Past that, who knows? The words never come easy. He likes writing - something that only occurred to him after he'd fallen into a couple of creative writing classes in college - but it's hard. Jonas doesn't believe in natural talent, but it's still demoralizing to struggle with something you like.

Alex is sitting across from him, taking advantage of the empty train cart with her seat reclined. Her head is tipped back as she squints up at the sunroof. Her hair is all swept to one side in a sloppy ponytail, and still wet from her shower this morning. It makes the faded blue at the tips of her brown hair look dark, and almost like she isn't so desperately in need of a touch up. She's soaked a wet patch into the shoulder of her jacket.

Or, Jonas's jacket.

He considers. Not her words, because they were meaningless filler. But he considers the times that Alex enjoys the silence and the times that she staves it away with awkward rambling. He considers how long it's been since she slept well, and how comfortable she looks now, with one knee pulled to her chest and held there by clasped arms, foot curled over the edge of the seat.

He considers that after six years, he still feels like an anthropologist when he watches her.

Here we see the rare, migratory Alexandra. See how she doesn't shampoo her hair in borrowed showers, even when her hair dye has faded _long_ past the stages of staining the floor when it drips. See how she forages for clothing, even though she packed a full suitcase of her own.

He has been staring at her for too long without answering. Alex's head dips down to look at him, eyebrows raised expectantly.

Jonas averts his gaze despite telling himself not to. _What happens in Vegas_ , he tells himself. He tries not to feel bitter, but it doesn't really work.

The train cart cradles them, rocking them gently. The wheels make for a noisy lullaby. Jonas likes the sound of it. It's nostalgic - he grew up close to the train tracks. He used to fall asleep to the sound of them.

"It's a nice change of pace," he says, to the window. Outside, the scenery betrays him. It rolls by in nothing but dull, cement-greys. He winces. They're still surrounded by the city. Just past Burbank, Jonas thinks, but he's never been great with geography. All the traveling they do could be a learning opportunity, but mostly he's just been memorizing airport codes and becoming a Google-Maps master.

They won't be able to see the ocean until past Ventura, and that's at least an hour away. He's hoping that will be a good distraction for them both. He could use it.

Jonas rests his head in one hand, his palm sliding over his mouth, and does not look back from the window. Alex's reflection watches him, assessing the silence between them. She sighs.

"Jonas," Alex says, sympathetic and impatient all at once. He would mistake it for a plea if he didn't know her better. It's a whole conversation in his name, one that he doesn't want to participate in.

He purses his lips, refusing to answer. He isn't angry - he just doesn't know what more there is to say. _What happens in Vegas,_ he reminds himself again.

They need to just forget it, but he knows that he is doing a poor job of leaving it behind. She is too. It's followed them from bus to train, like their own shadows sewn to their feet.

The two of them have always have been bad at letting things go.

"Have you heard from Daren?" He asks, stubbornly changing the subject.

He forces himself to look at her, just in time to see her lean her head to the side until it knocks lightly against the window pane. Her hair sticks to her neck; droplets of water crawl down her throat, down her shirt beside the chain of her necklace.

She catches him staring and hides a small smile in her shoulder. It fades into something more resigned, but she humors him. "Nothing yet, but I told him we were taking a couple weeks off to visit home."

"It would still be good to have a plan for when we're leaving."

Alex rolls her eyes. "Don't stress about it. You know we're good to coast for a while, and you know the others can't exactly take my jobs."

"It's not that I'm worried about coworkers so much as _clients_. I know that no one else can do what you do."

It isn't fair that Alex tenses. Jonas hates the flash of irritation - she was the one who said it first. But her body goes brittle, arms suddenly tensed around her knee and her gaze shooting out the window. It's impossible to stay mad; to not feel sorry for her when she curls inward just slightly.

She must know how transparent she is, but even so, Alex tries to brush past it. She murmurs, "Lucy always takes care of it."

Jonas doesn't know what to say. Sometimes he does, when she gets like this. Sometimes this is nothing. Sometimes the words come easy.

But not right now. He lets the silence fill the train. It feels like the air is spread thin to make room for it. 

He tries to focus on different words. He needs to figure out this blog post before Daren gets on his case about it. More than that, he wants to make sure he writes it before he forgets any details.

_When we arrived in Las Vegas…_

***

When they first arrived in Las Vegas, finally off of planes and buses that were all kept cool with air conditioning, Alex had shoved her hands into the pockets of her jeans and given him a withering look.

"Well, it's been like two seconds and I'm already sweaty," she said.

Jonas held out his hand for her jacket, vaguely satisfied at the feeling of being her caddie. Or maybe like her own personal camera crew. Her witness. Jonas decided not to think about what this said about his self esteem too deeply. He watched her slide her red jacket off her shoulders carefully, as if she were afraid that it could disintegrate if she was too rough with it. He didn't blame her. It had been through hell.

He didn't blame her for wanting to keep wearing it, either. That would be too hypocritical.

Just a month prior, his necklace had snapped. He had tugged it lightly, just to re-center the clasp in the back against his nape, and almost silently, the thin chain had broken in two.

The ring on it had dropped the ground, he's sure. Maybe the first time.

He can't always tell when Alex skips back time. He'd like to think this is because she doesn't do it often. Which makes it funny, if anything, that she had deemed this moment worthy. Her hand shot out to catch the ring before it fell to the ground, before he'd really even comprehended what was happening.

He had shoved it in his back pocket, telling himself he would buy a new chain and string it up again soon. He still hadn't followed through with that thought.

In the Summer heat, Alex folded up Michael's jacket and handed it to Jonas. He shoved it into their over-full duffel bag as respectfully as he could, then drew up his cell phone.

"Hotel's this way, not far," he said, pointing, and the two of them began walking.

He considered saying: _Kevin will be waiting for us_ , but swallowed the thought. Kevin had a way of getting under Jonas's skin, in ways that Alex only ever rolled her eyes at. He wanted  to keep even the idea of him at arms length for as long as possible.

The heat crept up through the pavement into the soles of his feet, and the air was dry. Not like home, not like the humidity of the coast in the Summer. Nevada wasn't even that far in-land. There were much more landlocked states than this, but Jonas already hated it.

He could tell by the set of Alex's shoulders that she did, too. The sea should be a point of trauma for her, and for all the extra voices that had crashed against her edges since the island, but instead they all longed for it like home, like somewhere to rest and reset.

But that's all it ever was. Alex wasn't good at settling down.

Jonas wondered if he was. Sometimes it was hard to recall what parts of him were built and molded around how hard and fast he'd fallen. Love at first sight was a stupid concept, but Jonas could still count three stories of it that he wholeheartedly believed.

His mother and father. In college. Chemistry 101, ironically enough.

Alex's mother and his father. In Orlando, in the flowers.

And then - himself and Alex. In the evening fog and neon light of a convenience store. Her hair had been tangled from the wind and he had still felt like a cardboard cut-out boy in a new town.

Not nearly as romantic, especially given the prior examples, but it had worked out. Despite a haunted island and an eternity tipping the scale against him.

Jonas knew he had a habit of staring, and tried to curb himself by only looking at Alex sidelong. As they approached the Hotel and Casino, he watched her eyes go distant. Watched her shoulders tense. Instinctively, he reached out to touch her back. With his palm between her shoulder blades, he brushed aside the faded tips of her hair with his fingers.

She leaned into it, coming back to herself without comment. She glanced up and across the street, taking in the flashy signs. "Can't wait to see this place at night," she said, offering a grin. "Maybe it'll look more like Vegas does in movies."

***

Even in the night, the Vegas outside their window was not the Vegas of movies.

Their room was at the corner of the building, and the intersection below was still busy late into the night. The cars were loud, as if the walls had no insulation. Jonas didn't blame the client for putting them in the cheapest room. It was still a hell of a lot nicer than half the places they were used to staying in.

Jonas stood by the window, looking at the bright lights of what felt like another casino every ten steps, until Alex's phone chimed behind him.

Alex had flopped down on the lush bed when they first checked in and had not moved since, still laying atop all the gold and red patterned blankets. She groped for her phone, tapped at it for a moment, then said, "Oh damn, Lucy approved the payment already."

"In advance? Good thing you're legit, because that's a good way to get scammed."

Generally, Jonas tried not to shit on other people in their line of work. Now that he knew what could be real, it was a whole lot easier to believe in more and more. But that didn't mean that more than half the people in their 'line of work' weren't _actually_ lying scammers.

Sometimes he thought it was a miracle that Alex met Lucy at all. But it only made sense that a girl running around on her own, capable of what she was, would get noticed by people who knew what to look for.

Jonas crossed the room, climbing into the bed to lay beside Alex. The way she curled into his chest was soothing, and she tucked her head against his shoulder. Alex still didn't like to say I love you in words, but she said it in other ways, like leaning into him as easy as breathing. It was not difficult to content himself with this.

She tilted her phone for him to see the numbers. The client must have been desperate. After a moment, Alex laughed, as if the entire situation was absurd, and dropped her phone to her side.

Their bodies inclined towards each other with the dip of the bed; Jonas draped his arm over her hip.

"You think we get paid more because we don't need to buy any of those silly toys?" Jonas joked. (He knew better. Alex got paid more than the others because Alex was special. Because Alex could do what no one else could.)

"We don't _need_ them," Alex said, sounding nostalgically like Ren. "But I _want_ them."

"I'm not stopping you from buying them," Jonas warned her, "but I'm not going to be the one who lugs them around everywhere."

"Spirit boxes aren't exactly heavy."

"You already have a radio. Which, again, you don't even need."

Alex laughed, and leaned their foreheads together. She did not draw back.

Jonas was about to make a joke, something _very_ clever and witty about getting her sweat on him, but Alex shrank up against him as if she had a secret to hide in the small space between them. He held his tongue until she was ready to share.

She closed her eyes, dark eyelashes like thick lace against her cheeks.

"Something is here, but I can't find it," she murmured.

Jonas always worried that in times like this, she might open her eyes red. But they were still deep, smoky-quartz brown when she looked into his eyes. She rolled onto her back, using his arm as a pillow and gesturing vaguely in the air.

"Even when they're older, even when they're losing themselves, I can feel them better than this. But it still feels familiar."

He gave her a moment longer to sort out her thoughts, but when the silence dragged on, frowned. "You know I've got no idea what you mean."

She ignored him, grabbing for her phone again. "I need to google this, one sec."

Jonas watched her scour the internet for articles about the casino. All that turned up were advertisements and reviews. Enough complaints that Jonas understood why they had been contacted, even if none of them jumped to conclusions. Alex chewed her lip, reading over the reports; falling objects, flickering lights. Just enough injuries to be more than coincidence if anyone thought about it too long or had a superstitious streak.

No one had, yet. Jonas imagined that most people just left their review, wrote their own story, and moved on.

Alex's eyes scanned from page to page, and Jonas wondered what the ghosts were like inside her. He remembered when she couldn't control them, when the world had flickered around her with the rise and fall of her moods. In retrospect, given that she had only been a teenager, given that she'd had brute-forced her way out of hell, he was kind of amazed those moods hadn't had steeper drops.

He hoped that she was doing more than just tread water to keep them subdued, now. Hoped that she was not really as faraway as she seemed.

Jonas had come as close as a human could to what Alex had been through, but there were still infinite years between their experiences of it. He imagined it was harder to let go of a past that had spanned a much longer time.

He wondered if it would be easier for her if he were like the others. If he were more than just a partner in crime that Alex had latched on to - if he could see what she saw and feel what she felt. He wondered if she would open up again.

He wasn't like the others. The same way that there was a strong line dividing Alex from the others, there was a line between all of them and Jonas. It was just an act of Lucy's compassion that had given Jonas a job, too.

Sometimes he felt relieved that Alex wasn't as close with the others. Other times he felt guilty for thinking this way. Either way, it was nothing he had control over. In the end, she chose to stick with him, and that meant that Jonas was always the one trailing after what she wanted, not the other way around.

Alex dropped her phone down onto her stomach, giving up her search. Her fingers laced together. She tilted her head, and in the quiet, Jonas leaned in to meet her half-way.

With her lips still against his, soft and inviting, Alex laughed. Her breath was warm on his face. "Okay, but hear me out. What about a laser grid?"

***

They met with Kevin and the client in the morning. First Kevin, waiting for them at the far end of the casino floor, beyond the slot machines. He stood out against the crimson carpeting and crème colored walls, stained gold by ornate sconces.

Kevin was tall and muscular, but still looked like a typical high school jock. His blond hair was cropped short and his hands were shoved deep in his short-sleeve hoodie pocket, worn over basketball shorts. He smelled like weed, and did not look like he had any business speaking to ghosts with any seriousness.

When they had first started working for Lucy, Jonas had scowled at how unprofessional they all looked.

But one day he and Alex had stepped up to a haunted church, and Jonas had glanced over to her. At the time, her hair was dyed purple and braided messily over her shoulder. She was wearing torn leggings and the same racer-back tank-top she'd been living in all week. With a Burger King bag in one hand and her mouth still full of fries, she had greeted the priest with a casual wave.

And he had realized - Alex was the best of the best. He had sort of lost the will to care about their image, after that.

Kevin stepped towards them. Towards Alex. "Hey, Jonas. Hey Al," he greeted.

When he raised his arm up, Alex knocked it with her own. Despite the friendly gesture, she grumbled, "You didn't send us a report, man."

Kevin had the decency to look guilty. When he dropped his arm from the air, it was to hold Alex's hand, looking down at it as if inspecting her fingernails could be an act of apology. Jonas tried not to feel on edge.

"I tried, really." Kevin said. He sounded sincere enough. "I was looking into it up to the last minute. Couldn't make contact and get any real info."

Jonas cleared his throat loudly, satisfied that it made Kevin draw his hand back to himself. Alex took a casual step closer to Jonas.

"It happens," Jonas said.

He was always on the lookout for reasons to be annoyed at Kevin, but not getting a report wasn't a fair one. Just knowing if the client was right, knowing if there _actually_ was a ghost or not was the only help that mattered, and he'd done his job, there. The backstories and history lessons that Rosa always included in her reports didn't have much impact on what needed to be done.

Kevin led them down the narrow hallway. Over his shoulder, he asked, "You guys feel it too, though, right?"

Jonas stayed quiet, and wondered if this was passive aggression. It wouldn't be the first time - it just usually came more from Rosa  and Mae. He tried not to hold it against anyone. Sometimes they were just understandably impatient.

Jonas refused to sulk too much about feeling different sometimes in a small crowd that must feel like that all the time.

Alex didn't seem to read it as a pointed comment. Maybe she assumed it had slipped his mind. Maybe it had just slipped hers. She answered, unbothered, "Yeah, but it feels weird. It doesn't feel… Pervasive?"

Kevin laughed. "Yeah, that's a good word for it. Like it's condensed or something. Which made it harder to find."

They passed a dozen dark wooden doors, stark contrast to the increasingly plain walls. All  of them surely locked and only half labeled - mundane things like _storage_ and _records._

The door they entered was at the end of the hall, labeled with a name plaque. _Hales_. Kevin knocked twice, then waited.

The man who answered was the client. Jonas remembered his name from what little information they had gotten from Lucy. William Hales - either _the_ owner or _an_ owner of the casino - Jonas wasn't sure which. He looked to be in his sixties, with white hair and a tidy white beard. The pin-stripe suit made him look more gangster than classy.

Jonas thought about heist movies, and big winners getting beat up in dark, secret back rooms.

But the office they were in was brightly lit, with wide windows to the outside and an unlocked door back to the hall behind them.

It was a brief meeting. He mostly just repeated what they'd already known. Guests of the hotel and casino had been reporting things falling, as if shaken by a centralized earthquake. No sightings, but enough mentions in online reviews that it was starting to unnerve him. He didn't want the negative PR if the pattern got picked up on.

He didn't look like the superstitious sort. Not all clients were. With enough money to waste, some people were willing to just throw it in any direction that had a _chance_ of fixing their problem.

When he spoke, William looked away, as if there was something more he wanted to add beyond the terse descriptions and locations.

Maybe it was just him biting back skeptical remarks. Jonas may have made peace with looking like a bunch of hipsters who were crazy at best, scammers at worst, but his own acceptance didn't make _other_ people react to that any less.

"You'll fix this, and quietly," William said. It almost sounded like a question. "I don't know what you need to do, or what you need me to do. Jesus, I don't even believe in any of this, but Rae…"

Alex perked up. Jonas didn't blame her. They were running on little to no information. "Rae?"

"His granddaughter," Kevin said, whether it was his place to do so or not.

William's face said that it had not been. "She believes in this nonsense. Sometimes I even think she's the one orchestrating it, for a laugh." After a moment, he thought to add: "No offense."

"None taken," Jonas and Alex said dryly, in perfect unison.

***

"It's just," Alex said, pacing the floor between slot machines and ignoring attention she was getting for it. " _Here_ , it's _here_ , but it's not…"

Jonas trailed after her patiently. His longer legs made it easy not to fall behind. "It's not…?"

"Okay, so normally the presence fills up a lot of space, right?" At Alex's expectant pause, Jonas gave her a somewhat helpless look, but nodded anyway. Alex continued: "Like - think of water. It changes shape to match its container. But this isn't… That. What I can feel is like… I can feel a really solid _core_ or something."

"A ghost core," Jonas repeated.

"Shut up." She finished pacing the slot machine rows, and after a glance around, led Jonas away from the casino floor. "I think it was stronger near the hotel rooms."

Jonas offered an agreeable, "Sure."

They followed the curved wall of the room until they reached the alcove for the elevators. Alex jabbed the button with her thumb, and while they waited, Jonas wondered if they were going to walk down every hall on every floor until she found what she was looking for.

It helped to remember how much they were getting paid.

Jonas said, "Makes more sense for a ghost to be in the hotel, anyway. Probably more murder and death in hotel rooms than on a public casino floor."

Alex grinned. "Except for when they catch people cheating and have to kill them in secret underground rooms."

Jonas snorted.

A small crowd gathered, waiting with them for the elevator. Alex never minded who overheard them, even when she sounded ridiculous. One of the benefits of being far from home.

"It does seem a little stronger already?" She said, looking around as if she might spot a ghost hiding among the guests. "But it's like mine. They have a space, they're part of _me_."

Then maybe it _was_ among the guests. Jonas asked, curious, "So someone's possessed?"

Alex didn't sound so sure of herself. "Maybe."

They were catching weird looks already. Jonas ignored them, but stepped closer to Alex, speaking quieter. He tried not to sound too concerned. "And how are yours…?"

He hadn't heard from them in a long time. He could never forget that they were there, but it had been at least a year since the last time they spoke through her. Since her eyes had opened red. She had told him once that they were quieter. She had told him once that they were just becoming a part of her - not separate like a parcel she was holding, but woven into her veins and her heart.

Jonas was past being frightened by this. They were a part of her the same way she was a part of them. Even when they did show themselves, even when they spoke with her voice, they were never as cruel as they had been before. Their bitterness had eroded away with the passage of time, like it was supposed to. It still sent a chill down his spine to think of it.

"They're fine," Alex said, loftily. "Quiet. You know how it is."

He did not, but chose not to point this out. He was happier when she forgot. Once or twice she had even forgotten that his time on Edward's Island was different from hers. She had started talking about the loops in this confident, easy way that meant she thought he remembered the same things, the same _variations_ on the same moment.

It was scary, but he had liked it.

That went for a lot of things about Alex.

The elevator dinged, and Alex stepped back to let others step out. A small crowd filtered by, walking towards the casino floor and chatting among each other.

When it was time to board the elevator themselves, Jonas almost didn't notice that Alex wasn't beside him anymore.

***

The next hour of their train ride passes nearly in silence. Jonas doesn't know how to apologize. More importantly, he doesn't want to. He imagines Alex feels the same way. He watches her put earbuds in, only to pull them back out ten minutes later, impatiently opening a book in her lap.

The migratory Alexandra, Jonas thinks again. See how she opens a book, then plays games on her cell phone instead.

He shakes his head to force himself not to stare. Instead, Jonas tries to think in words. He tries to think of what to write, and he tries to think of what to say.

There are no words that he thinks will make Alex change her mind. He looks at her in time to catch _her_ staring, and her gaze darts guiltily back down to her book. The moment for the apology he owes her will come and go. The reverse, he's not so sure.

After a moment, Alex clears her throat. "This, uh," she says, not looking up from the pages. She hasn't turned them in a long time. "This book sucks."

Jonas arches an eyebrow. "Yeah? Well, that's the risk you take when you pick your books at random from airport shops."

"It wasn't _random_ ," She says, defensively. She is smiling a little too brightly, but Jonas thinks it is sincere. Maybe she is just pleased that they are speaking. He feels warm at the relief of it, too. Alex insists, "The cover was cool."

She holds it up to show him. A generic woman's silhouette stands against a foggy ocean. Jonas does not understand what is so exciting about this, and after a moment of watching his lackluster reaction, Alex huffs. She jabs her finger to the cover, pointing out the shape of a knife in the woman's hand.

"Is she gonna stab the fog?"

"Obviously. I mean, fuck fog."

Jonas offers a lazy grin, then looks back out the window. At the edge of his sight, he watches Alex bounce her leg and return to playing on her phone instead of reading.

When the ocean breaks into their vision, it is all at once. The city has turned into short green hills over time, and all of a sudden they roll low enough to reveal the sea behind them, vivid and sparkling under the sunlight. 

Alex throws herself against the window, palms flat against it like a child. Her book falls to the floor. Jonas snorts, and as he bends down to pick it up, she shoots him a dirty look before laughing, too.

"I think," she says, changing the subject again like she is trying to get the most out of this moment. "Blue again? My hair, I mean."

Jonas sets down the book beside him, and watches her. Alex with the ocean over her shoulder, light catching on its surface, outlining her skin in gold. Sometimes it's overwhelming, how much he loves her. "Yeah? The purple looked good, though."

Alex makes a noncommittal sound, like she doesn't quite believe him. "Clarissa wants me to do red. Matchy matchy."

Jonas can't quite picture it, and frowns trying.

"Right?" Alex says, taking this as disapproval. "She said she'd do it for me if we're ever in New York again, so maybe if work takes us there? But..."

"The blue is my favorite," Jonas says.

Alex turns from the window to look at him, as if they are still pining teenagers and she is reading too much into the things he means too much by. When she speaks, she sounds casual, but he can tell that it's forced. "Yeah, me too. Just sucks that it always fades fast."

Jonas shrugs. Alex does not say: _Michael liked it blue._ Jonas does not say: _It was blue when we met._

Alex breaks into a grin. "Wanna let me dye your hair, too? We can be matchy matchy."

"Nope. I'm the integrity of this operation. Without me looking normal and trustworthy, no one thinks we're legit."

Alex laughs loudly. "Dude, no one trusts you, either. And honestly, I think, uh, _alternative_ looking kids have a more occult vibe than you."

"Meanwhile, our boss looks like everyone's grandma."

"Lucy _is_ everyone's grandma."

Jonas still isn't even sure Lucy has any sensitivity to ghosts, herself. All he knows is that she's good at screening clients, good at managing their website, and good at keeping jobs coming in.

And that she looks like a sweet old lady. The first time he met her, she'd baked cookies _and_ brownies, because "She didn't know which the two of them would prefer." Her grandson, Daren, had looked exasperated, as if this were something he had tried to talk her out of.

As the ocean flies by, Alex keeps herself pressed close to the glass. "How much longer?" She asks.

"Uh, literally over twenty four more hours, hon."

Alex makes a face, and Jonas isn't sure if it was at the time or the nickname. Belatedly, her cheeks flush and her eyes dart back and forth from him to the window several times before settling on the sea.

 _The nickname, then_ , Jonas thinks, resigned, and the moment is over like a flipped switch. They are awkward again, quiet and uncomfortable.

Jonas sighs without meaning to.

***

Jonas stepped back to let the rest of the crowd step onto the elevator first, carefully looking over the heads to make sure Alex had not simply already stepped in when he wasn't looking. She wasn't among them. He turned back towards the casino floor, instead.

This game was always easier when her hair had been dyed recently. When he did spot her, Alex was already back on the floor, walking briskly away.

Jonas rushed to catch up. It was only when he fell into pace beside her that he realized she was following someone.

A girl who had gotten off of the elevator. A teenager, too young to even be in a casino, judging by her round cheeks. Her blond hair was pulled into a tight ponytail, and it swung from side to side as she strode across the casino floor.  Her T-shirt and jeans should have made her look out of place, but there was no hesitation in her path.

Quietly, Jonas asked, "Stalking someone?"

Alex did not look up. She did not seem to have noticed that she had lost or regained him. "Little bit."

"Wanna tell me why?"

Alex said, "Sure," but did not do so.

In the end, the two of them stopped short. They watched the girl greet multiple staff members with familiarity, none of them concerned by her age. Then she disappeared down the hall, heading towards William Hales's office.

"Think that's the granddaughter?" Jonas mused.

"Probably," Alex said. Then cocked her head slowly to the side. "She's also the one possessed."

***

They tried to make themselves inconspicuous, waiting on the girl to leave William Hales's office. To the eastern side of the casino, the floor branched off into a bar, with a scattering of small tables curling around a stage.

Jonas sipped at a bottled beer, browsing through the casino reviews and listening to a cover band playing. They were decent, but nothing special. Beside him, Alex drank a soda, and her eyes didn't waver from the hallway's entrance.

"I get the feeling asking the guy would go poorly." Jonas said.

"With it being her idea to contact us? If he'd wanted us to meet her, he would have introduced us himself."

"Then can we really just walk right up to her, right here in public, and - I don't know. Ask if she's possessed? That she knows of?"

A frown tugged the corner of Alex's mouth down; the only visual indication that she was listening.

"She _must_ know," Alex muttered. Then, quieter, "It's impossible not to."

Jonas watched her in profile, but knew better than to wait for an explanation. Sometimes he thought about asking. But he imagined he had missed the window by a couple of years.

The few times she did try to explain things, he could never follow, anyway. The mix of his own guilt and Alex's frustration - her resignation - wasn't worth it anymore.

When the girl reemerged, she headed back the way she came. Jonas readied himself to follow Alex, body tensing in anticipation of standing, but she didn't budge. Instead, Alex watched the girl intently from her seat, turning her head until the blond was out of sight.

"Done stalking?" Jonas asked, more for curiosity than anything. There was no point pretending that he and Alex were on equal footing.

Alex's long silence was unnerving. She was still staring in the direction of the elevators, as if she had developed x-ray vision, and was using it to keep watching the girl's path. She chewed her lip, looking thoughtful when she finally turned her attention back to Jonas.

"For now." She said, loftily. Then leaned forward, elbows on the table, and grinned at him. "I mean, we may as well milk it and play around a bit, while we're here."

Jonas arched an eyebrow. Alex never put off work. "You don't mean that."

Alex considered. Then stood, pushing herself up with her palms flat on the table. "No," she admitted, "I don't."

***

It was too late. By the time they crossed the casino, she was out of sight.

If he hadn't seen it work first hand before, Jonas would have rolled his eyes at the way Alex closed her eyes, as if she could listen close enough to hear tell-tale footsteps. Instead he just waited, patient, and wondered if it would help to hold his breath or something.

"This way," Alex said, reaching out for Jonas's hand like reflex. Their fingers laced together easily, and she led him out of the casino. 

The sun was going down and twilight was crimson.

Moments like this almost felt like dates. Holding hands and walking down the sidewalk in an unfamiliar town, both of them looking around and taking in the sights. Briefly, Jonas felt normal. Not like a paranormal ghost dispatch service. Or - her boyfriend, tagging along.

The walk was short-lived, and after only twenty minutes they found themselves at a public park.

"This is the most grass I've seen since we got here," Jonas joked, and Alex laughed along easily, nodding. She squeezed his hand. Then nodded out across the field.

At the end of the curving walkway through the park, Rae was seated at a bench with her knees pulled to her chest. She held her phone in one hand, tapping at it with her thumb, her other arm wrapped under her knees.

"Time to go harass a stranger," Alex said brightly, but didn't move.

Jonas angled toward her, watching the red fade away to purple shadows over her. There was still enough light to see clearly. She didn't let go of his hand, and after a moment under his gaze, laughed almost nervously.

"We'll talk to her and then go back to the hotel," she said. "I'm kind of tired."

There was something more to that sentence. Jonas had expected to hear _I'm kind of tired, lately_.  He isn't sure why. He drew Alex's hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles, watching the contented shrug of her shoulders.

Generally, Jonas figured it was better to stay back and let Alex talk to someone alone, especially in a case like this. He liked to think he wasn't the intimidating sort, but it was better to err on the side of caution. He gently drew back from her grip, giving her an encouraging pat on the shoulder. "Don't get the cops called on you."

"Awful," Alex chastised, despite laughing. " _Awful._ "

He watched her cross the park, light wind tousling her hair, hands stuffed casually in her jean pockets.

Alex leaned over the back of the bench, still giving the girl as much space as possible. Jonas couldn't make out their words, but the fact that the girl laughed at something Alex said seemed like a good sign.

After a moment of back and forth, Alex came around the bench to sit beside Rae. She gestured, and though the motions were incomprehensible, Jonas understood the basics of it. Explaining who she was and why she was here. Who hired her, and what for.

A look of horror slowly spread over Rae's face. She looked at Alex, not as if frightened of her, but as if terrified of being caught. Like a child caught red-handed. But even those expressions were never enough for Jonas to feel suspicious of someone. Not with the things they've seen, the ghosts they've dispelled.

Not with how many people he has seen choke out guilt and grief for things that weren't ever their fault.

Rae leaned away from Alex, looking like a skittish animal about to bolt, but seemed soothed when Alex raised her hands defensively and scooted back as well.

They talked, and Jonas watched, and the sky turned midnight blue. Under the moon and the stars, Alex and Rae exchanged phone numbers before the girl stood up in a flustered hurry. Even after that, after a smile and a shy laugh as she tucked her hair behind her ear, she still practically ran to get away.

When Jonas came to occupy the open seat, plopping down beside Alex, she leaned over to drop her head against his shoulder.

"She'll meet us tomorrow night to talk about it. Maybe I can get more info from texting or something, but I don't want to, uh, _actually-_ actually harass a kid."

"Don't want to freak her out," Jonas agreed.

The night was not cold, but the warm of Alex's body next to him was still welcome. She whispered, "I've never met someone else like me."

Jonas leaned his head into hers, rubbing his cheek into the top of her head. "No?"

It was a stupid question. He had been there every step of the way. They had met ghosts who had attached themselves to people, sure - in the way that a woman carries a purse, that a student carries a backpack. But the way that Alex carried her ghosts was in the way that a submarine fills with water. Empty space got filled. Some things got pushed out to make room.

So together they sank, unable to carry each others weight.

Jonas hated to think this way, but Alex was quiet for so long that the thoughts filled the silence.

"No," she eventually said, sounding almost like she had only gone quiet just to consider. "We've met people with - I mean… We've met people who were possessed, yeah. But it's different. It's… I don't know if I can explain."

"I believe you," Jonas said. "You don't have to."

He wanted her to. He wanted to understand, more than anything.

"They usually don't know," Alex managed. "Or, they know, but not because they can tell. They know _even though_ they can't tell. Does that make sense?"

"I think so."

Alex pulled back to be able to look him in the eyes. "And if they know, they usually hate it."

What was he supposed to take from that? His eyes scanned her face, trying to figure it out if she was trying to say something about herself, or something about Rae. They had never dispelled a ghost that someone wanted to keep around, before.

Alex leaned forward, lips quirking up. She flicked him in the arm, apparently misunderstanding his dilemma. "We're not gonna force her to get rid of it if it's safe for her not to, and if she doesn't want us to."

"No," Jonas agreed. "Of course not."

She settled back in against his side. "They sleep a lot," she said, at length. Jonas blinked, but Alex refused to look up at him. "The - mine. My ghosts. They sleep a lot more than they used to."

Jonas didn't want to say the wrong thing. But he knew that saying nothing was wrong, too. "Is that good or bad?"

"Mm. Good, I guess. When they sleep, I'm in control of everything we can do. But I pretty much am by now, anyway. Even when they're loud. Even when they're mad. It starts to feel kind of… Lonely. Is that weird?"  
  
Jonas shrugged, carefully so as not to jostle her too much. "It super is, but that's fine."

It was a relief to hear her laugh.

"Sometimes," Alex said, voice drifting, "Not getting to be alone can mean you never get to decompress. But then when you're alone, you don't know what to do because you're not used to it."

Jonas wasn't sure what to say to that. A reminder that she was never alone, that when the ghosts were quiet, he was still always by her side, did not quite seem like the right answer. Not when half the problem was the desire to be alone.

There was no good answer, because the other half was a fear of being alone.

"I'm used to it," she offered belatedly, realizing his silent uncertainty. "Really."

***

Alex was in high spirits the next day. Maybe the thrill of the catch, or maybe some kind of stress relief from talking so earnestly the night before about subjects she usually avoided. Not that Jonas had been able to say anything soothing.

Still. He woke up to the weight of her straddling him over the silky hotel blankets, staring down at him impatiently.

"You were up late," she accused, allowing herself to be jostled, but remaining on his lap as he sat up. He rubbed sleep from his eyes, blinking at her. "Nothing's even happened yet."

He glanced to his laptop, plugged in and charging. "No, but it's good to keep notes as we go so I don't forget anything."

"Hm," Alex said, as if she had too many thoughts on the matter to waste her own time voicing them, and started to slide off of him. Jonas reached for her wrists, gently keeping her in place.

"Don't do that," Jonas said, frowning. He was too tired for tactfulness, too tired for talking himself out of it. "What are you thinking?"

God, sometimes it felt impossible to reconcile her silences with the rowdy girl he had met. But there were always glimmers of her, there. Like treasure sunken to the bottom of a lake, catching the light as the world moved around it.

Obediently, Alex stayed in place, shifting slightly over the satin-smooth blankets for better balance. She steadied herself with hands on his shoulders, not seeming to mind that he didn't let go of her wrists.

"I forget all kinds of stuff. Is it a big deal?" Her tone was conversational, unaffected. This was probably an act. Jonas liked to think he was good at telling the difference. If she hadn't been worried about it, she would have told him right away.

He offered an equally neutral, "It depends, I guess."

"I forget how we met," Alex said. Her weight on his lap went heavy, too distracted to hold herself up so carefully. She stared into his collarbone instead of his eyes, thumbs tracing toward it. "I remember the context, but not the content."

"I mean, to be fair…"

"Yeah, no, I know."

Jonas thought about the times Alex had asked him if he remembered the quirks of time travel in the loops. The times she had asked, _remember, how one loop they said this, and then the next time they totally forgot?_ As if he had been conscious of the loops with her.

"I know, but…" A frown tugged at Alex's lips. "Not just loops. There are other things that slip away sometimes, or things that get mixed up. Like - remembering teachers and classes I never took. And places I've never been and people I've never met. Sometimes Ren, he'll text me about stuff that I can't remember until he tells me. And then I'm not even sure I really remember, or if I'm just making up memories off of descriptions."

Jonas took a moment, considering. Considering the worth of the details of his life, and her life, and what their lives became when they met. He considered whether those mattered, in the long run. He cocked his head to the side slightly. "I think it's fine either way."

Alex blinked, clearly startled.

"I mean," he clarified, "not to minimize whatever stress you're putting on yourself about it. That sucks. But - I think it's fine. Whether you remember details or not doesn't matter to me."

"The last time I talked to my mom on the phone, she started reminiscing about some stupid tradition me and Michael used to have. Back when we were really little and shared a room. She told me that we'd keep each other up late talking so long that eventually we made this, like, mutual jinx countdown pact." Alex's palms flattened out on Jonas's collar, the tips of her fingers ghosting over his throat. "I don't remember it at all. I still don't."

"Sorry," Jonas said, soft. It's natural for things to fade, but it was still a sad thing, he knew.

Alex just nodded, understanding that this was as much as he'd be able to give her.

"I don't want to forget stuff," Alex said, at length. "So I guess it's good that I've got you around to document everything."

Jonas laughed, and before he could retort, Alex leaned forward to kiss him, losing her balance and pressing into him too heavy, until both of them were laughing between kisses.

She still had a bounce in her step when she climbed off of him and off of the bed. "Now, come on! We've got all day, we can go run around the city!"

***

In the evening, they met with Rae in the park. Her eyes flickered from Alex to Jonas, not startled, but curious about the extra. After just a moment, after looking at how their arms were pressed together parallel, she seemed to accept his presence.

Alex sat in between Jonas and Rae on the bench, and for a long moment they were quiet. These kinds of conversations were hard for Jonas to have with Alex, and he had been dating her for - God, for six years, now.

Alex still managed it with a stranger, probing gently, "So… What happened?"

Rae hesitated, fingers wringing out the hem of her skirt.

Alex offered, "I can go first, if you want. If you're curious."

Rae shook her head. "I want to hear. But later. I… Don't know how to… It's just." She sighed, running a hand through her hair and then shaking out the mess. "I had a friend. A best friend. I guess. Maybe he didn't think that. I don't know. I guess it would be weird if he thought that."

Jonas glanced Alex's way over Rae's head, the both of them waiting, patient.

"He worked in the kitchen. He started fainting, sometimes. Not a lot, at first. Once or twice a year. Like he was just dehydrated or something. And then it was more and more, and then he stopped coming to work, and then…"

Jonas knew how those stories ended. He knew the beginning and middle of them, too.

Rae squirmed in her seat with discomfort, and Jonas imagined it was less that she was reliving it, and more that it is difficult to find the words. Sometimes it can feel impossible to articulate things in a way that conveys just how much they mattered to you. You can't make a concept you've lived real to someone else.

There was conviction to the way Rae looked up from her lap, not to either of them beside her, but out at the passersby on the sidewalks. "I just thought it would be better if it were me."

Alex considered. "How do you mean?"

"Well. I'm - you know. I'm not suicidal or anything. Life's okay. I had stuff I wanna do and some vague ideas about the future, I guess. But I'd rather he were alive than me."

Jonas had to bite back the _too bad_ that popped into his head. Sometimes he thought this job was making him too sensitive. Other times far, far too callous. Instead he asked, "So you wanted to trade?"

Rae clammed up, her body going hard like a door slamming shut. She did not flinch at Alex's hand on her shoulder, nor did she continue speaking when it was drawn back.

"Burned food," Jonas said. Both girls glanced his way, unsure. Alex looked wary, but Rae looked guilty. Jonas continued, reciting the things he had read from the casino reviews. "Burned and undercooked food, flickering lights, and furniture rattling. Chalked up to construction nearby, poor soundproofing, bad maintenance, and bad cooks."

"The less I'm me," Rae muttered, "The more stuff happens that I can't - that I don't know how to…"

Alex stopped time.

***

Jonas gets up to get them food from the food cart, in part just to get a breather from Alex. Passing through the other carts of the train is like falling into another dimension. The loud rattling between doors, then the buzz of chatter is jarring. The other carts are not stuffed full - the whole ride seems to narrowly occupied.

But the reminder that there have been other people so close to them is startling. Their cart has felt like its own world, but here there are men in suits reading the paper - grandmothers humoring their grandchildren as they ramble about the cartoon the toys in their hands are from. There are teenage girls, leaning towards each other as if whispering as they laugh and gossip loudly.

He eats his own lunch in the dining cart, half-listening to the two staff workers playfully bicker about who-cares-what. It feels strange to eat without Alex.

It's a relief to return to their quiet, isolated cart. Jonas drops a wrapped sandwich into Alex's lap,  and she grins at him in thanks, her mood settled on the better side of pleasant. He sits back down across from her.

The wonder and awe at seeing the sea have finally worn off enough that she is no longer trying to will herself through the windowpane. Instead she just leans against it, her expression easily settling into a contented smile.

He doesn't realize he's staring until she glances back to him, eyebrows raised. Doesn't realize the smile on his face until she is laughing under her breath at him.

"Wish we could open the windows," she says. Before Jonas can point out how fast the train is moving, she's on another track. "We should go to the beach while we're back in town. Play in the water."

"Yeah," he drawls. "I've really missed getting laid out with a fever for a week every time you feel like splashing around."

Her grin doesn't falter. "That's the spirit. Oh, and I wanna visit the Adler house. I think it's still for sale - no one wants to live in a place that's dead by seven."

Seeing the house empty the last time they'd been in Camena had been unnerving, but no less unnerving than if it had been exactly as they left it after four years. They had snuck inside and ran their hands over dusty walls, exchanging looks that were conspiratorial and amused, void of an excuse or a goal in mind for the visit.

Alex said once that Clarissa had joked about them buying it. But the money they make isn't good enough for that. Jonas tries to set some aside each chance he gets, because someday this has to end. They can't be on the road their whole lives, he knows they can't, and he doubts that eventuality will come with warning. But a whole house, no matter how unwanted and no matter how inconvenient a location, is still too expensive for them.

It doesn't hurt to keep an eye on the listings, though, and the way that house's price drops, drops, just a little bit every year.

He's a little surprised that Alex hasn't been keeping track.

She rattles off a list of all the things she wants to do - go to the beach, visit the lighthouse, spend a day with her mom, maybe possibly _maybe_ visit her dad, if she's feeling up to it. Visit Ren's family. Jonas knows there is more to the list, but she trails off, satisfied with what she's put out there.

"We'll be busy," she says. "Since we're not in town, long."

"But we're not going too far, this time," Jonas points out. "Actually, we could cut out going to the beach there and just go when we head back to California. Since they actually have the sun, there."

Alex sets a hand over her chest, playing affronted. "Oregon gets sun! I've seen it, once! You probably just didn't notice it through the rain." She pauses to think, then her eyes go bright. "Oh, right! I also want to go to thrift stores and find the creepiest old doll I can to bring to Ren when we get up to California! Maybe I should check Craigslist, too. I want it to be ultra creepy looking."

"Do I want to know why?"

Alex just laughs, her shoulders shaking. The light through the window catches at the silver chain around her neck; it glints until it disappears into her shirt.

This time when she catches his gaze, she reaches her hand up self consciously. Checking that the necklace is tucked away and tugging at her jacket - his jacket - to cover the parts of it that show.

"It's fine, you know," Jonas tells her, quietly. "Really."

She looks his way, then quickly back out to the ocean. "Yeah?"

This time he believes himself when he says, "Yeah."

Alex looks relieved, but her fingers don't let go of his jacket.

***

The people on the street froze, flickering in place like an old VHS, halfway between steps, halfway between breaths, words, worlds.

Rae only looked half surprised at first, but it doubled when they all disappeared. When the dim blue of the sky just before sunset went midnight dark without stars. It was not like the pretty purple light they had met her under yesterday. It was green and cold and sickening.

Well, Jonas was used to this by now.

Rae's eyes changed colors, from a dark blue to a deep amber, like burnt orange. There was a subtle shift in the way she held her body as she looked from Jonas to Alex. She opened her mouth.

No words came out before she blinked blue back into her eyes. Sounding every bit like herself, she asked Alex, "What are you doing?"

"That's a good question that I _really_ should have figured out an answer to by now," Alex said.

Jonas laughed despite himself.

Rae frowned, and gave their surroundings another once over. Despite the colors, despite the cold, she seemed to find comfort in being alone. Enough to admit, "Look, I don't… Mean for any of it to happen. But it does when I get upset, and I can't help it."

"You have to let him go. You know that's why I'm here. You know that's why those things are happening. There's no room for people who are supposed to be gone."

"Then I'll _make_ room!" Rae insisted, voice cracking. Then her tone went flat, as if she had rehearsed this line in her head a thousand times: "I know that I'm not smart and I know that I'm not pretty. I know that my love - or my despair - doesn't inherently hold any value. But I would do anything. I would trade anything. It's _why_ I would trade anything, because he _was._ He _was_ smart, and even if he wasn't, he was… Good. He was worth more."

This time she flinched away from Alex's hand on her shoulder. Alex told her, consoling, "This doesn't get you what you want. This doesn't get him his life back. It gives him yours, and somehow, I don't think he wants that."

"How do you _know?"_ Rae snapped. "It's better than nothing. And how can you say there's a problem with what's happening to me? When you did whatever _this_ is? You said you have a ghost too, so why do you get to say I can't have mine?"

Alex did not seem to know how to answer this. Jonas imagined the infinite history would be a little much to try to convey properly to someone who didn't really want an answer to begin with.

Rae's face contorted, like she was startled at the lump in her own throat. She swallowed thickly. "I just - I would switch. I would switch if I could, and dying is so terrifying, you lose everything you've been doing, you lose every story you haven't told yet, all the worlds you've made up die with you. So I don't want to do that to him. Mine weren't worth anything, anyway. Not in comparison."

Jonas remembered that thought process well. He remembered the feeling of clutching your own grief and not comprehending that there was nothing to do with it. You can make up after any fight, or at least try. But when someone dies, there's just _nothing_.

Except, as it had turned out: ghosts. Sometimes. But even those were better off gone.

When Alex glanced his way, her expression unreadable, he realized that his hand was up by his throat where his necklace would normally have been. But his mother's ring was still in his back pocket, and he dropped his hand back down self consciously.

"I know," Alex said gently, redirecting her attention back to Rae.  "I know how you feel. I know you want to rearrange the pieces, but you can't. I know you want to bargain, but you can't. It's - the pieces are off the board. Letting someone else push you out of your own body isn't…" She searched for a better word, but still only came up with, "It's not the trade you want to make."

Rae nodded, brow furrowed as she stared at the concrete beneath the bench. But if all a girl needed was some talk therapy, they wouldn't need Alex here at all.

"He wanted to stay," Alex says. "But now he wants to go. I promise."

Jonas held back from calling out the lie. Mostly because he believed it was probably ultimately true.

"But that's not what I want," Rae said, with no strength to her voice. "And it's not what he wanted, it's just what he's come to accept. Right?'  
  
Alex conceded, "Maybe."

Rae curled in on herself, shoulders hunching, arms wrapping around to hug herself. Her blonde hair spilled over her own fingers that curled around her shoulders, almost hiding her face completely. It occurred to Jonas that she was one of the youngest clients they'd ever dealt with before, and one of the most directly involved.

"If he wanted to leave, why hasn't he? If he didn't want me to do this, why didn't he stop me?"

Alex hesitated to answer, rubbing at her arm awkwardly. "Because it's what you wanted." Before Rae can respond, she asked, "How long ago did he die?"

"Three years ago."

Alex was quiet. "He could talk to us if he wanted, in this space. He could alter it in small ways. The things that he can do outside of it should be easier, here. He could probably even take you over by now, if he's been with you that long. And that one is - even without me doing this."

Rae seemed small. "But he hasn't," she concluded, understanding the point being made. For a moment she seemed as if she was going to give in, body unfurling bit by bit. Then she snapped, "How am I supposed to agree to this?! How am I supposed to have the choice to keep him and _not_ choose it?"

Jonas understood the unspoken addition: _when he's watching_.

He kept his voice neutral, knowing that often that was better than overly sympathetic when it came to strangers. "Because it has to happen. And I bet he knows that too."

Rae looked at him like she wanted to lash out at him, _why are you even here_ right on the tip of her tongue. But instead she deflated.

"I don't care," she said, shaking her head. "I don't care. Leave me alone."

***

Rae changed her mind by morning. Alex had gone to bed with her cell phone in her hand and frustration tensing up her whole body, texting back and forth with Rae and apparently not getting anywhere.

Jonas wondered if she would have cared half as much if it weren't a job. Probably.

Either way, this time Jonas woke up alone in the hotel room, dazed and confused at how dark it was for the time of day, with the thick curtains letting in only thin stripes of light. It had been the sound of the door unlocking that had woken him, and Alex slipped in, clearly trying to be quiet. Her shoulders jumped at the sound of Jonas slipping out of bed to get dressed.

The TV flickered on, then back off, and Jonas puffed out a low laugh.

Alex crossed her arms over her chest defensively, and Jonas was not sure if it was at the old habit or out of guilt for having left without him. He didn't mind much. He would rather be there than not, but there was only so much input someone without any sensitivity to ghosts could really offer.

Especially to a teenage girl.

It had just seemed better to let Alex handle things at her own discretion.

"We made a deal," Alex explained in lieu of a 'good morning.' She approached him, smoothly arched onto her toes, and gave him a peck on the lips. Then frowned. "Go brush your teeth."

He obeyed, and from the other side of the bathroom door, heard the sound of Alex leaning against the wall. She clarified, speaking loudly to be heard over the faucet and then his brushing: "Not me and Rae, I mean. Me and Elliot."

Jonas would question her sooner if he weren't gargling mouth wash. When he exits the bathroom, he asks, "Who?"

"Her ghost," Alex said. Then dug her cell phone out from her pocket and held it up. "Well, mine now."

"The phone again?" Jonas asked, feigning exasperation. 

Alex laughed easily and rolled her eyes. "It's convenient!" Then she stopped to tap out a message. "Come on, we're going stalking."

This time the exasperation was real. "Stalking, again…?"

"That's the dealio."

Jonas didn't feel great about following around a high school girl, but at least they had the luxury of knowing they couldn't be caught. Not with Alex, ready to pull back time at a moment's notice.

He thought about how if he were in Rae's shoes, he would be laid out in bed with misery for at least a couple of days. But Alex led them down to the elevator, then of the casino and onto a bus that took them across town, where Rae was apparently out shopping with her friends at an outdoor mall.

Two other girls her age, who fawned over her and each other in a way that was wholly unfamiliar to Jonas. Maybe girl friendships were just different. (No, maybe Jonas had just never really had friends as a teenager. Not until…)

Alex grabbed his arm and tugged him inside a _Claire's_.

"She was about to look," she told him, grinning far too widely for it to have been the truth.

"You are terrible at upholding your deals with the dead," Jonas informed her, not unkindly.

They looked at cheap sparkly jewelry for preteen girls, both knowing it would never have suited Alex, even at the right age for it. Jonas thought back to the plain black string necklace she had been wearing the night they met; the way he had been almost distracted by how it wrapped around her throat when he tried to wake her up on the dirt road in front of the tower.

Alex didn't tend to wear jewelry, anymore. Maybe it was just too much of a hassle. Her main clothing preferences seemed to be loose tops, leggings, and comfortable sneakers. ( _Typical ghost dispatch uniform_ , Jonas thought to himself, amused.)

They left in a hurry when the staff looked to be getting annoyed with them, with the way Alex kept trying to force various cat-eared headbands onto him as he swatted her away.

It was almost normal to walk through the mall, eyeing various little shops with only fleeting interest. Feeling Alex curl towards him with her arm around his, offering inane commentary back and forth. They both quieted when they caught sight of Rae and her friends, again.

This time Alex ducked into a clothing store, peering out its door as the girls crowded a phone accessory kiosk.

"She seems like she's having fun," Alex observed.

They both knew that it didn't mean she was okay. Not completely. Not right away. But it was as good a sign as they would be able to get in one weekend's worth of observation. As good as a send-off as they would be able to give Elliot.

At a careful distance, they watched Rae and her friends get smoothies. Alex shot enough furtive glances behind her that they wound up turning around to get her one, but it was never hard to catch back up. Not after getting distracted by movie show times, and not after getting distracted by the oldest _Space Invaders_ arcade machine Jonas had ever seen.

When the three girls eventually ducked into a movie, Alex took this as permission to do so as well. The two of them waited a couple of minutes into the show time to let the lights turn off, to let the volume turn up, before buying their own tickets and slinking into the back.

Alex's hand rested on his thigh through the movie, fingers massaging idly, her eyes on the screen.

Afterwards she did not bother trying to find the girls again, letting the crowds all filter out ahead of them. When she finally led Jonas out into a near-empty hall, she pulled out her phone without dialing anyone, and asked, "You good?"

Jonas could not quite make out the voice on the other end through a haze of static.

Alex nodded, pacing like it was an ordinary phone call. Her voice went soft. "Well, sure, I get that. But…"

While the ghost spoke, Jonas thought - it wasn't like some talk therapy to a possessed kid was enough. It needed to be talk therapy to a dead guy, too. Maybe the problem wasn't that it was more complicated than that - just that so few people could provide something so simple.

Sometimes people just needed a small push to do what they knew was for the best. Encouragement through things that were difficult.

"She's got friends," Alex said, soothingly. "And I know this sounds like crap to hear, but she'll have a way easier time reaching out to them without you there. She can't move on past stuff that won't let go of her. Yeah…" A pause. "Yeah, I know. You did fine, I think. Sorry that it's like this."

Jonas didn't have to hear the other half of the conversation to put the pieces together.

Rae had tried to let the ghost grow into her the way that the sunken had tried to grow into them on the island. She had offered herself up, willing.

The ghost had tried to stay with her without doing it. It just hadn't been possible - only getting harder and harder over time as more and more of him seeped in. He tried to give up control to her, but it seemed clear to Jonas that Rae was like him. Someone with no particular sensitivity to ghosts.

Alex gave a light laugh. "I can't promise that. You know that." There was a pause, this time without static or words. Eventually he gave a quiet reply. Alex replied, "Yeah. See you."

When she drew her phone away from her ear, her thumb moved to where the hang-up button would have been, instead ghosting over the black, unlit screen. It flickered, screen contorted up into a glitched mix of her home screen icons, messaging screen, and the time. Then it reset itself.

"And that's that," she said, pocketing her phone. Then linked their arms together again to pull him along.  
 

***

Jonas's laptop sat open in front of him on the small table in the room. He would need more time to write up a proper report, but it helped to have his notes in order while it was all fresh in his mind.

Somehow, after Alex talking about her slipping memory, it seemed more important.

Alex was channel flipping. The remote sat three feet away from her and her hands were occupied with some cell phone game or another. Her willingness to do this sort of thing seemed to come and go in waves. Jonas imagined it like he would any other girl's insecurities. She had days of self acceptance and days of rejection.

She was only human, after all, no matter what she thought.

It was always easier after a job. Jonas figured that nothing validates what you can do like being paid and thanked for it. Or maybe there had been some comfort in finding another girl like her, another girl with a guest.

Except that Rae's guest had left, and Alex's never would. In most ways they were completely opposite situations, really. Even so, it had been the closest thing they'd encountered, yet.

He didn't have any other notes he could think of, and Alex caught him staring at her.

"Last night in Vegas," he said, just for something to break the silence. Their train was scheduled to leave from Los Angeles in morning. After a god forsaken bus ride from Las Vegas to Los Angeles, they would have just enough time to meet up with Rosa, eat, and if they were lucky, borrow her shower.

Jonas always liked the moments after a job was done, but he could admit that a little more time to just relax would be nice.

Alex let out a long hum, considering. Then asked, snickering, "You wanna gamble?"

Jonas arched an eyebrow at her. They didn't normally have the money to waste like that, but this job had a much higher payout than usual. If they wanted, they probably _could_ afford to throw away some money, especially with another job scheduled in California so soon.

He leaned back in his seat, a thought occurring to him. "Could you… Rig slot machines and stuff?"

Alex stared at him for a very, very long moment, her eyes going wide. She sounded like it was just dawning on her as well, and she was not sure what to make of this revelation. "Yeees…?"

"And we're just going to have to live with knowing that you're too much of a goody-goody to do it, aren't we?"

Alex considered. "Yeah, probably. Unless things get dire. I'd do it if we needed to."

He imagined her definition of 'needed' was different from his, but only shrugged. He had never had grandeur dreams of riches. He didn't grow up with enough money to ever predict having more in his future. He'd never really even wanted it. Jonas's dreams for the future had always been very grounded in reality - he'd envisioned a future of just getting by, but with time enough to spend with people he liked, and he had gotten exactly that.

Granted, the reality had dipped so far into the supernatural that it would be impossible to describe this as "grounded in reality" to an outsider, but still. Close enough.

He couldn't imagine anything else, now.

"What else do people do in Vegas?" Alex asked.

 _Get married,_ Jonas had thought, but said out loud: "Drink, mostly."

Alex did not need to consider this for nearly as long. "Yep."

***

  
Sometimes when Alex drank, she got loud. Other times she just got sleepy. Tonight appeared to be the latter.

Jonas sat up against the headboard of the bed, watching television over the top of her head. Alex was seated between his legs, her back up against his stomach as she slouched low, cradling a drink between her fingers.

Her grip looked precarious. Jonas slipped an arm from around her side to straighten out the bottle for her.

"Do you want to lay down?" Jonas asked, noting how her eyes blinked rapidly as if awakened from sleep.

"I am," Alex said, made a face, and took another sip of her drink.

Jonas was a slow drinker, and unlike Alex, only mildly buzzed. Just enough to be completely entranced with touching her sides beneath her shirt. Enough to feel overwhelmingly content with the warm of her body up against his. All he wanted was small moments like this - but forever.

"Oh," Alex said suddenly, and slouched down further. She craned her neck back to look up at him. When he leaned down to kiss her forehead, she swatted him away with one hand. "Hey, listen. I got you something."

"Why?"

" _Why_ is not the appropriate response, Jonas. There's no _reason_ , I just love you, so I got you something."

She said it much easier, drunk. Jonas looked down at her with interest.

"I'll grab it for you later, it's already packed up, but..." She paused to take a drink, then strained to set the bottle on the nightstand. Jonas took the bottle and set it aside for her as she continued, "I got you a new necklace, since the old one broke. If, uh, that's cool. It's just a small chain but it seemed… Sturdy?"

Jonas gave her a brief squeeze, then said, "C'mere?"

Alex drew herself up, turning to face him. He reached for her sides and gently guided her up until she was straddled over his lap.

 "I forgot," Alex said, as he wrapped her up in a tight hug, "You get super clingy when you're drunk."

"Do not," he said, muffled by her shoulder. "And I'm not drunk."

Her fingers ran through his hair as she hummed with skepticism.

Alex knew about the ring. She knew it was his mother's, and that it had been his father who told him he should keep it, pressing it into his palm in a too-quiet night at home after the funeral. A plain golden band, because she hadn't liked flashy things. She had always said that anything else would have just gotten in her way.

It was one of the only things he had left. After she had died, his dad had packed her things up in such a hurry. At the time, Jonas had thought it felt like he was trying to run from the memories. Now he was under the impression that it was just an attempt at safe-keeping. Boxing them up so they wouldn't get ruined and worn down, so they would be fresh and ready when he was ready to look back.

"Now you can wear it again," Alex said, as if under the impression Jonas needed soothing. For just a moment, the softness of her voice - her fingers carding through his hair - struck him as maternal.

Without thinking, Jonas said: "Or you could."

Alex laughed, but Jonas didn't miss the nervousness in it, or the way her fingers faltered.

That was already an answer enough, but he still found himself repeating, like an idiot: "You could wear it."

Alex did not reply, but she pat his back awkwardly as if trying to comfort him for something several shades less mortifying than this. It meant no. It meant he shouldn't have said it. But he had, and she had not interrupted him before he spoke with a telltale swiftness of knowing what was coming and how to prevent it this time around.

He drew back from her, and though he hesitated to say it aloud and tempt fate, he could not resist pointing out: "You didn't go back." His tone came out suspicious; he winced internally.

The conversation seemed to have sobered her, but Alex's cheeks were still dark with alcohol flush. "No," she said, somewhat flatly. He waited for an explanation, and after a moment she sighed and muttered, "You'd just ask again. That's how you are."

Briefly, he wondered if he already had, but quickly dismissed the thought. He trusted Alex more than that; they'd had that fight already. The thought may have crossed his mind before, but he had never considered _voicing_ it before.

Not that he had thought about it particularly hard this time, either.

He knew that they would blame it on the alcohol and leave it be, because Alex always got to choose when to walk away from the things she didn't want to deal with.

He didn't want to get resentful. He shouldn't have said anything.

Alex bowed her head, resting her face in the crook of his neck, and he felt her breath on his throat.

"We don't get to be like that, Jonas," she told him, patient like a kindergarten teacher. Maybe just as exasperated as if she were.

Half-joking, Jonas began, "Legally-'

Alex interrupted him, "Not the point."

Sometimes Jonas did not understand Alex's dedication to this world - to this timeline. He'd seen how skipping back time could wear her out, and they were only ever getting farther and farther away. Maybe it was already too far back, but Jonas knew that it hadn't _always_ been.

He didn't know if it was something that had already happened, or something that was yet to come, but there _had_ to be a last chance. Whether it had already happened or if it would come tomorrow - either way, Jonas was sure that Alex had already made up her mind.

Michael was dead, and Jonas was her step brother, for better or for worse.

It was for worse, most of the time.

It helped to be traveling all the time. It helped that the only people that mattered to them understood. That everyone else in their life was either temporary, or dead, or both. Lucy knew, but no one else did. Not even Daren, and Jonas appreciated that.

It never mattered how much he thought about that. You can't go around lecturing people about letting go of the past and about committing to the world as it is if you're not doing the same.

Jonas sighed. He didn't want to be pushy.

He was also not entirely clear-headed. He pointed out, "We are 'like that' though."

"You know what I mean." Alex drew back, then touched her fingers against his throat softly, as if seeking his pulse for comfort. He felt his heart speed up, hammering in his chest. He swallowed thickly, hoping she wouldn't notice, but knowing she would. "Is that even something you - I mean, we're still kids, Jonas."

"No, you're not," Jonas said. Then: "Neither of us are."

Alex tried again, more quietly. "Is that even something you wanted?"

She sounded like she was trying to talk him out of it, or hoping he would talk _himself_ out of it.

His gaze flit away. He brought his hands up to hold her wrists, gingerly guiding her hands away from his neck but not pushing her away from him. "It's fine," he told her, instead of answering. It had the same effect. He still saw the guilt cross her face from the edge of his sight. Even so, he couldn't muster the emotion to sound convincing when he repeated: "It's fine."

It was not a real fight. Not with the way they still curled together beneath the blankets for sleep. Not with the way she still slid her hands beneath this shirt, letting his hands wander too, and seeking his lips with hers.

But in the morning she was too quiet for it to have ben forgotten so easily.

***

Sleeping on a train without a sleeper car is nothing new, but Jonas still finds himself blinking awake in the middle of the night with a sore back. He never misses this when they get to sleep through a night in the stiff, _stationary_ beds of hotels.

But there is plenty to be grateful for. The rare absence of other passengers in their cart, and the plush reclining seats. The darkness of the railroads built so close to the sea. Jonas shifts in his seat. His body wants to lay on its side, but there isn't room. He settles for looking out the window. The brightest light is the moon reflecting on the waves. They have the luxury of isolation, for once. They could have pulled the blinds down over the windows.

Jonas hadn't mentioned it. He figured Alex would rather be able to see the ocean if she woke up in the night, like him.

When he turns to look at her, his eyes only find an empty seat. Jonas blinks; rubs at his eyes. Maybe she just went to the restroom.

He stands up, unsure of exactly why, but something stupid in him says _: that's why,_ when he spots her, standing by the seats behind theirs. She is staring out the window at the same waves; at the same moonlight. It catches her hair and highlights the edges of her skin like a glowing outline. One of her hands is up against the glass, like she wants to push it out of the way and step into the wind. Her other hand is at her side, closed around something that Jonas cannot make out in the darkness. Maybe her radio. Sometimes she holds it for comfort; another impulse that he will never understand.

He doesn't know how long he watches her. The train cart rattles underfoot and his legs feel stiff. There is always something soothing about watching Alex, but right now his heart is beating out of time.

Eventually her eyes drift along the window pane and finally land on his reflection. She turns to look at him, and smiles a hesitant smile, like she hadn't expected to be caught awake.

Jonas does not want to break the silence. Apparently, Alex does not either. She holds up her hand, revealing what's held inside. It isn't her radio. It's smaller, darker - smoother.

She sets it on the arm-rest of a seat and flicks on the switch.

In the dark train cart, a thousand green lights spark to life against the walls, the ceiling, the floor. Against Alex's rumpled clothes and smooth skin. It's a neon grid, lit up all around them. The light presses its pin-points against her cheeks, and against her hands as she holds them out, staring down as if she needs the distorted grid to be sure they are really there.

She opens her mouth, but when she looks up to Jonas, her eyes darting quickly across his face, she loses the words.

He feels his own smile in his cheeks. He resists the urge to step forward, and lets her be the one to come to him until they are toe to toe. She has to tilt her head back to look up at him, this close.

Jonas thinks about how difficult it can be to find words. How impossible it can be to condense thoughts that fly by conceptually and feelings that are pure liquid in his head into something as solid and final as words.  He thinks about the idea of forever and the ways it can be good and bad all at once.

He thinks about Alex, and the thin silver chain around her neck that glints green in the light before dipping into her shirt, dangling his mother's wedding ring into the center of her cleavage.

"Jonas," Alex murmurs, soft and apologetic already. She always uses his name like this, like a gentle hand to lead him to what she really wants to say. "Am I alive?"

Jonas blinks. The air around him feels suddenly still, but the gridlines and pin-points shake and dance on her face as the train keeps moving. Her brown eyes, intently on his, confirm that this was not a joke.

He laughs anyway, mostly in disbelief. No. Mostly to put her at ease. It works, somewhat. Her shoulders lose their tension; she offers a weak smile, as if she knows it was a silly question, but stands by it all the same.

Jonas knows the feeling.

"You're alive," He says, matter-of-fact, because what else is he supposed to say?

Her expression says that she's aware how silly it is to be relieved to hear it, but that she is relieved all the same.

"I know that you're just getting dragged around all the time," Alex says, more openly than they've ever truly discussed it. This time she does not look away, staring him in the eyes intently, scanning his expression for an earnest response. "I know that you don't hate it, but I also know that this isn't… Normal."

"We don't need to be normal," Jonas says, careful to make sure it is _we_ and not _I._ Not _you._ "I won't lie and say this is perfect or that it's never hard. But it's good. I would choose this, every time. It's good. I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be."

"What worries me, I guess, is that I think you'd say that no matter what I did."

"Probably."

This time Alex laughs incredulously, borderline hysteric. She throws her head back and says, to the ceiling of the train cart, "It's weird I'm the one who has to get over that."

Jonas just shrugs.

Alex looks back to him, and tugs the edges of his jacket tighter around her as if to burrow into it. She breathes in deep, almost too easygoing, but Jonas understands it well. He understands the comfort spreading back between them after an extended tension.

Maybe it wasn't even that long.

Alex reaches into her shirt to pull the necklace out, silver chain and golden ring.

"Okay," Alex says. "Okay. Alright. Ask me again."

**Author's Note:**

> This happened in the last fic too, but I actually had like a whole… Bundle of their 'coworkers' that never saw the light of day, and the ones that did, it was too brief and didn't establish the things about them that I had decided... I think it also has the same problem as last time in that it's way too long for how niche it is. whyamilikethis.png But oh well. bangs fists on the table. I'm! Writing! For myself! Bah!!!


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